“Just remember to focus your energy and time on something constructive; building yourself physically, emotionally, spiritually, and most important MENTALLY!”Shareh Wanjau
When you are hurt, it is much easier for you to fall into a norm of allowing the person who hurt you to dominate your thoughts and actions. You are likely to notice the decisions you are making are because of this person. I know this because it happened to me too when I had not learned how to cope with hurt.
Unfortunately, we are hurt by people we care about, love, and trust the most. Hurt can come from different traits; manipulative, untrustworthy, abusive friends, partners, or even parents. If you have been trying your best to break this cycle, then here are some of the tips that may be of help to you.
How To Cope With Hurt
Forgiveness is necessary and should be your first step to coping with any form of hurt. This helps you consciously move forward from emotional baggage is pulling you down. It does not translate to ignoring the situation or forgetting about it, no. it is more of consciously acknowledging the actions and events, and making the decision of moving forward to prevent the past baggage from drawing you back. It does not mean that the one forgiving is weak or is the one in the wrong, but it helps you to let go hurt and anger that a particular event may have caused.
Here is an affirmation you have to always remember when forgiving, ‘I am well aware that this person did hurt me. I know what this made me feel. I am not in a position to change what happened. I am not in a position to control how this person might behave in now or in the future but I will not be bogged down one more time. I will focus on me and I refuse to let this person rob my joy in the coming days.’
2. Don’t expect an apology.
This is where most of us go wrong, expecting too much from people. It’s true that an apology is the least to expect and some people do acknowledge their mistake and end up apologizing, however, it’s offending if it becomes a repeat. And also feels like an empty apology and even more annoying if done more than once. This takes me back in my younger days with my brothers; of which one was and, still is quiet and quick to anger while the other one was always the one causing trouble. Of course one of them would get annoyed and hit the other and mom would scold the hitter and ask him to apologize, later my brother would make faces when mom looks away. You know why? Because he wanted to offend and the apology was never genuine in the first place.
And this is how most people are; they will always apologize for the guilt of being caught and want to improve their relations and the situation. yes, there are people who genuinely recognize what they have done is wrong and end up giving genuine apologies, though you can always tell the difference between a sincere apology and a fake one. However, when you don’t expect an apology from people, you can never be hurt because you expect anything, good or bad, and this way you get to be in charge of your own happiness.
3. Understand that happiness comes from within.
If you follow our posts, by now you should understand the emphasis I put on being in charge of your own happiness, your mental and physical, and mental health. You can make a list of the things you find joy in doing, and focus on them. They can be focusing on your career, education, documenting your story in a book, new hobbies, or whatever else that you may be interested in. Just remember to focus your energy and time on something constructive; building yourself physically, emotionally, spiritually, and most important MENTALLY!. As your brain is the focal point of all the other elements.
4. Come into terms with the fact that whatever is going on with them is all about them.
This also means that whatever is happening to you is about you, but wait; this does not mean that the people hurting you should be disrespectful. It means that you should identify the role of these people in your life, the reason they are in your life, and address that. You should be able to cut the ties from toxic relationships; may it be family or friendship. You are the one who knows how deep the hurt is, but not them. The safest thing to do is shutting doors from the hurtful people and protecting yourself. Look at it this way, if you have a shield and I attempt to throw a knife at you, would it stab you? Probably not.
5. Understand your self-worth.
This should have been at the top, but all are relevant tips. If you don’t know your value, then any value is okay with you, and you have to respect yourself to earn respect from others. You have to understand that you are the pilot of your own life; you get to decide who is worth your time and who is not. Don’t get me wrong here, when I say you have to decide, I mean it. Just because someone is family does not mean you will be stuck together till the end of times.
The other day we were talking about hurt from close people and a friend gave a story of the brother and referred to him as a ‘toxic sibling’ he also said the family is at peace when he is from a distant. Though whenever he needs help they are always ready to help him out, he brings tears when he is close. I quote her, “you see he has always been a narcissist and everything he thinks it’s about him. There is one time he tried to change and no one knew that he was faking; he got so close to mom and turned her against everyone else close to her in the family. He is not a bad person; he is a father, a brother, an employer. These days he never tries to change and he respects the boundaries, what is worse is that he never recognizes his mistakes at any given time.”
6. Know that when people hurt you, they do their damage and move on with life.
In most cases, the hurt person curls up in their cocoons of hurt and mixed feelings forgetting that life moves on after that. During the period of hurt, your actions and withdrawal may be hurting other people who care about you. Hurt does not last forever, and life has to continue after you are hurt, so be cheerful, forgive, and strive to be happy. It’s a beautiful world.